Tag Archives: pain

A Missing Link

Many of you know that my mother died when I was eight. It was suicide, or accidental overdose depending on who you talk to. Either way, she was gone.

There are things that people don’t have the right mind to think about before they do something like that. Take pills to ease their pain until there is no conscious knowledge that one has found any relief.

I grew up without a mother, and I managed and did okay, but there are still effects of that dreadful event 45 years later and I’m going to mention one now. The motherless daughter as a parent.

My daughter was raised by a mother who had no mother. Her mother never had anyone to hold her or hug her when she was feeling despair, loneliness, fear, or pain. Her mother did not have anyone to call her to inquire about her day. Her mother wiped her own tears. No one ever helped her mother with her children or household. There was no one to answer those questions that only a mother can answer. God is good, but God is not your mother.

Sometimes parenting was confusing to her mother because she had no real role model. She had grandmothers who were loving and kind, but there was a missing link. Always. Grandmothers are not the same as mothers.

Her mother went to college to learn how to care for others. Seriously. And she went on to have an excellent career in nursing, but with all of those school hours and work hours, she wondered constantly if she was giving her own daughter what she needed from a role model.

I loved my daughter, hugged her, wiped her tears, offered her encouragement and hope and always wondered if I was doing the right things by her.  She had a few years of strife even I could not cope with well. There were times when there was only bitterness between us.

So when my daughter delivered her second child at home and needed help with the household, I called a housekeeper to come in and do the work of cleaning for a day. It wasn’t much, but it was all I knew to do. I don’t believe it was enough. What she needed most was for mom to be close.

Well, today, my daughter, upon hearing about my agony in back pain, came over to get my heating pad off the top shelf in the closet. She set me up in my bed for comfort and gave me fresh fruit with yogurt for breakfast. She gave me hugs, then cooked bacon for my lunch, cut up tomatoes and lettuce. She cleaned last night’s supper dishes and loaded the dishwasher. We chatted a while.  We hugged some more. It was a much warmer time, I’m sure, than if she had hired someone to come over and attend to me. She was here for me.

She’s grown up just fine.

I’m still learning to be a motherless parent.

You see, it takes generations to overcome what a suicide will do. I see my daughter nurturing my granddaughter and feel the warmth in her nurturing me and know everything is going to be okay.

I am truly blessed. Thank you, daughter. You are appreciated.

Book Review: “Twelve Days: The Beginning” by Jade Reyner

Click here for Amazon link U.S.
Click here for Amazon link U.S.

Click here for Amazon link U.K.

Today is the last day of National Domestic Violence Awareness Month in the States.  Although there are horrifying statistics relative to domestic violence around the world, they can only begin to show the tip of the iceberg.  Survivors must know that there is support and hope for them. I saved this book review for today as this novel shines a bright light on the abuse which is often tucked away into a dark corner.  I applaud people willing to write on the subject.  Jade Reyner, one of our own WordPress authors, has done just that. It is not my habit to read contemporary romance, but this novel struck a chord with me as a health care provider, because it deals with so many contemporary issues that affect women’s health.   Marriage, romance, desire, love, domestic violence, loss, and hope are explored in a modern day setting.

 

The book is technically sound, well written and well edited.  Some of the characters are deeply developed and some are superficially shallow, and that is how people in the real world strike me socially, so the novel is most realistic.  The main character is challenged as she examines both her heart and her societal commitments.  It is a love story that involves a lot of pain and growth.

From the very beginning, it is evident that domestic violence, including marital rape, would be prominently featured. Reyner did very well throughout her story, to illustrate the excuses and cover ups that women employ to prevent discovery and deal with the shame.  The viciousness of the cycles and the honeymoon phase play a part to some degree, also adding to the realism. There is quite a bit of slapping around and throwing punches in this fast paced novel.  Reyner also does very well to demonstrate the emotional extremes of both men and women. There are a lot of twists and turns making a rather common plot interesting to me.

The romance that the main character develops, while giving her some sense of joy, increases her shame as she struggles to come to terms with what is important to her.  There are several graphic sex scenes; hot, erotic, and steamy. Interesting to me personally, were the British idioms and colloquialisms.  I would highly recommend this read for those who enjoy contemporary romance, and those who may live, or touch the life of one who lives, in the shadows of domestic violence.  The series promises to carry the reader further on this romantic journey of self discovery.  I give this book 4 stars out of 5.

Emotional Inspiration

tears5

Image from MD JUNCTION

“Put a voice in your hurt and give your tears a sound”

So very often I read an article written by someone who has suffered an angry moment, a pain or a loss.

I wonder sometimes if these people are crying tears as they write their words.  Sometimes I am deeply moved even to the point of tears myself.  Writing and reading can be so very therapeutic.   The therapists at a facility where I was employed as a nurse would have their patients write every day.  They also had required reading assignments.  Writing is cathartic and reading is distracting in a good way.

Some of the very best, most passionate writing I have ever read came from these clients most often while the instigating event was fresh in their minds.  These are very often the folk with the most powerful voice.   I am fortunate to have had these people share their work with me.  It has aided both my understanding and my capacity for empathy.

KEEP WRITING!  KEEP READING!