Got Shining Approval From Alpha Reader on First Chapter: Naked Alliances

draft cover 001

I’m so excited I have to share. *giggles*

The rocket scientist read my rewrite of chapter one and he said, “This is great!” He went on to say that it really changed his perspective on the interrelation of the two plot lines. He really likes it!

I tightened it up and was able to work the first chapter in a way that it not only starts off with intense action, but introduces both the murder mystery and crime thriller at the very beginning. This way, you are not reading through to chapter three before ever getting into the crime thriller part. Originally, I had started off with info about the cold case. It was interesting, but did not have the necessary punch to grab a reader and pull them into the story.

A bonus is that four main characters are introduced in the first chapter, so you get to know them all from the very beginning.

This will make for a much better “Look Inside”.

I started off planning a prologue, and wrote what ended up being a complete character profile of Cara Kieu and her history. It did NOT work at all, but gave me some really good ideas for a chase scene.

I scrapped it and started reworking the first chapter. It has guns, villains, the P.I., a high speed car chase, Brandi, Cara, the murder victim’s surviving husband, and introduces both cases in 2793 action packed and informative words. There’s also a small amount of revision to be done in subsequent chapters, so it does NOT necessitate a major rewrite.

AND, most significantly, the alpha reader loves it!  🙂 

Okay, I’m done. *breathes*

Now for this entertaining commercial break:

An important message about gun safety!

32 thoughts on “Got Shining Approval From Alpha Reader on First Chapter: Naked Alliances

  1. This is what good beta (or alpha) readers can do for a writer. Unfortunately, most are unwilling to make the kind of suggestions your alpha made. Equally unfortunately is that many writers can’t take that kind of feedback and turn it into what you have.


    1. He’s tough on me. When I first started this, I told him that I wanted to try a new style, really to see if I could change up. I won’t pretend it is anything more than it is. It’s the most cliche, stereotyped crime fiction you could ever read. It’s that way on purpose. A practice in character development and technique, which is part of why it may never be published. I can’t hardly consider letting my blogger friends read it. There’s every cliche you can imagine in a crime novel, every stereotype. A loner P.I., a biracial transsexual sidekick, a rural deputy sheriff, four biker dudes and their gang of outlaws, a dragon lady, an Asian kid, a couple of Jamaican dudes, a Hispanic murder victim and her sister, a prominent politician with a philandering past, a few cougars, a few gay guys. And here’s the worst of it…it’s not even a comedy caper…this is a serious story. Ha! With a bit of humor. I’m not a comedian. But you know what? It’s still fun. Even if it takes me two weeks, or more, to get over a critique. The rocket scientist wants me to enjoy what I do, but he also wants me to learn and grow. I feel very fortunate. He’s a pretty good guy.


      1. I was promised a slot in the beta portion of your process. I’m not liking seeing this “hardly consider letting my blogger friends read it.”


      2. I will send you a copy just as soon as the alpha gives me the green light. Promise. You’re in my inner circle. But be careful what you wish for. It is what it is 😉


      3. Trust me … I’ve read a whole lot of junk over the past couple of years and I have total confidence that yours won’t be close to that. The key to any story is to recognize what it is intended to be. I’ll go into it with my eyes wide open..


      1. I was afraid I was going to have to do a major rewrite over this issue, so was really glad it was minor. Took me while to figure what to do though.


  2. Nice to see things coming together for you. It’s always nice to get honest feedback. Sometimes early readers can be hesitant to give it for fear of hurting our feelings.


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