Crime Novel Book Blurbs: “Naked Alliances”

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Naked Alliances: The Naked Eye Series Novels

I am playing with words and trying to come up with an intriguing book blurb. Blurbs have always been a challenge for me. You want it to be catchy and lead the readers into wanting to know more, but you can’t give away the fascinating details. For crime novels, I like them short. Less than four sentences.

Tell me if any one of these draws you in. Here are three I have come up with:

A)     Central Florida has never been hotter! Richard Noggin, P.I., has never killed a man, but finds himself face to face with that opportunity, murder, organized crime, and a young girl who needs him. Alternative lifestyles are the norm from downtown Orlando to a nudist resort as Richard and Brandi race to reunite Cara Kieu with her family and bring criminals to justice.

 

B)      Richard Noggin, P.I., is certain that the former mayor of Orlando is about to propel him into the ranks of big wheelers and dealers in politics. Instead, a cold case murder and a young girl’s unexpected appearance at a gay club set off a series of events that has Richard and Brandi, a transsexual entertainer, struggling to solve a ten year old murder, while fighting for their own lives, and protecting Cara Kieu’s.

 

C)      Central Florida has never been hotter! The first in The Naked Eye Series Novels has Richard Noggin, P.I. and Brandi, a transsexual entertainer, scouting the swinger’s clubs and a nudist resort to solve a cold case murder and bring down a crime boss. A young Asian girl shows up on Brandi’s doorstep at a gay club setting off a series of events that have Richard and Brandi fighting to protect her and struggling to survive.

 

Any one in particular grab you?

Okay…my husband, the rocket scientist, and avid crime fiction reader, came home and he likes number three with some adjustments, what do you think?:

Central Florida has never been hotter! The first in The Naked Eye Series Novels has Richard Noggin, P.I. and Brandi, an entertainer, scouting the swinger’s clubs and a nudist resort to solve a cold case murder and bring down a crime boss. A young Asian girl’s unexpected appearance on the doorstep of a gay club sets off a series of events that have Richard and Brandi fighting to protect her and struggling to survive.

(He doesn’t think I need to speak of Brandi’s transsexualism or the fact that it was her doorstep.)

 

67 thoughts on “Crime Novel Book Blurbs: “Naked Alliances”

  1. I have a problem answering questions. When you guys ask, I just can’t help myself. I prefer #2. If you’re going to go short, lose everyone’s name except Richard. I think it will read better. Oh, and that, lose the word that. Okay, I’m done, sorry, I can’t help it.

          • I don’t know why I do this. You didn’t ask for that kind of help. Just shoot me now. I should only interact with my imaginary friends. It sounds like an interesting story.

              • I guess I’m just contrary. I don’t need names in a blurb. It should be one person I’m supposed to get interested in. On the other hand the word transsexual really tells me something about the story. I’d drop Brandi and add TS.

                I like RS’s version. Consider whether you want Naked Novels Noggin that close together in one line.

                You should totally come over to my place and pick on me sometime. I give you a free pass.

                • I like Naked Novels Noggin all in a line. That’s part of the humor of Dick Head’s work. He’s Noggin, the Naked P.I.

                  The transsexual part is something you find out quickly in the novel, but it seemed a bit politically incorrect to blurb it…like it was for shock value. Part of the story is that she’s just trying to be a regular girl who’s sort of a regular guy. Hubby thought it might be a turn off to some who would enjoy the story, but don’t appreciate the inference that trannies are a sensation of sorts. She’s an entertainer. She’s Richard’s sidekick, so I want her name on the billboard…she’s also a very crucial player. More so than Richard in many ways.

                  • That’s awesome. We used to make jokes about Richard Cranium as a kid.

                    Those are all good things to consider in a blurb. In fact, I may have had an epiphany here myself. A blurb is about marketing. Who you’re marketing to, and how they might receive it is important. You have me in deep thought here.

                    • Hahaha! Was Richard Cranium a real person or just a joke?

                      Absolutely! Your blurb is your grabber…almost as important as your one sentence logline. Maybe more so, because it is what people will see on your selling page. Your potential audience.

    • Of course not ;) Do you read crime fiction? My husband will search for Florida when he is looking for regional pieces. He’ll put in murder or crime boss or organized crime depending on what he feels like. Most every crime reader knows the Florida wacko sort. Dorsey, Baker, Hiaasen. I don’t know any female Florida wacko authors. I felt it was time to have one on the ladies side…sort of lady anyway.

  2. Whatever you choose, use only the name of the main character with descriptions of the others. Otherwise, you seem to be asking the reader to remember names before s/he has even begun reading the book. For what it’s worth, my two cents!

  3. My preference is B) as it’s short and punchy but I also don’t think you need to mention the transsexuality, and who is Cara Kieu? The sudden reference to her at the end is confusing. I suspect, as one of your other commentators has said, that it would be best just having Richard’s name. Hope this helps!

    • Thanks. I appreciate the input. I think I am going to trim it down to one name and lose the reference to Brandi’s gender. But I’ll most likely go with something closer to C)…maybe see if I can get a sentence in there about Richard thinking he was going to work a different kind of case and getting propelled into this one. This is harder than it seems it should be. 60,000 words into a couple of sentences.

    • I am afraid that the middle one will make it sound like it starts off boring, which it doesn’t. I keep debating about the transsexualism. It is sort of a surprise discovery and this would give that away. I think what John said about Asian adding spice works…and it is certainly not derogatory in any way. I’ve tweaked number three a bit and that is what I am going with for now. This could all change when I get the next two books done. I do agree with Marian that only one name should be in the description. As much as I hate to take Brandi off the billboard, I think I should. The nudist resort, the swingers’ club and gay club provide enough of a unique sensation. Don’t want to overdo that. Thanks for the comments. Also…I am wondering after the book is read, will people want to see more of Brandi or not. She may or may not come back for future books, depending on how well she’s received.

      • That’s a good point about the transexualism, although you could hint at a surprise or a twist of some kind in that regards. The reason I don’t like Asian is because by singling a character out as Asian it’s like saying the norm is white and anybody who isn’t has to be identified as other. My kids are Asian,, so I’m sensitive to that. :)

        • Aww. I don’t mean to sound insensitive.I have biracial grandchildren, so I have felt a twinge of that. It is a colorful story on purpose. I could have been an author of any race and written it the same way. Brandi, the transsexual sidekick is biracial. The murder victim is a Peurto Rican Latina, I used Asian to denote the girl’s continent of origin, not her race. She is actually from Asia and speaks no English. I could have said Vietnamese. I’m North American…I don’t know any other way to say it if I were in another country.

              • I would question why Asian sounds “spicier” than Vietnamese. There are a lot of implications. That’s why people are picketing Miss Saigon shows, for instance.

                • I just think of Asain restaurants and food. That’s what we call them here. Asian restaurants. There is a whole community here called Little Saigon. It is no different than any other city’s Chinatown. There is a characteristic spicy fragrance in the air when you walk the sidewalks there, of sesame and soy. It is described in the book in detail. The characters speak with accents in that community. It is real life. There are a dozen Asian restaurants of all nationalities there. It’s where we all go to eat the best cuisine.

                  • But when it’s applied to a girl it has different connotations. You can put in Asian girl in an internet search and see what you find. I’m just pushing the point because there are a lot of people out there who might see it differently than you do–probably more who would see it in the internet light as a positive than those who would be angry or sad, but they would both be thinking about it in the same context. I know you don’t want to hurt anybody.

                    • The story has to do with human trafficking. It is a crime novel. The protagonist is trying to protect her from another very evil Vietnamese woman…who truly needs to die. I know you feel strongly about this, but I don’t see it as hurtful at all.

                    • Awwww No need to apologize. You are a mama defending her young and I love you! Tonight I watched a rerun of Big Bang Theory and Sheldon and Penny were eating at an Asian Fusion place and I thought of you…and your kids. Like you did in your first comment, I honestly would not know another way to describe them to create the imagery the book blurb would need without using that word. I do respect your opinion though, and will give serious consideration when I finalize the blurb.

  4. I think I like your husband’s version the best. But I did kind of like how the second one started–not the mention of Cara though. I like that you mention it’s the first of a series.

    • I am glad some folks like the second one best. That’s how the book opens and I struggled with how to do that. It’s a old cold case, but I wanted some way that Richard might be looking forward to taking the case. He’s a gambler and likes to be around wheeelers and dealers.

      I think I am going with C) though, but one I tweaked a bit.

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